WASHINGTON, DC—Citing centuries of quality- control issues that have resulted in chronic unreliability, cascading system failures, and even total unit shutdown, the American Pug Breeders Association announced a recall Monday of all pugs produced between February 2006 and the present day.
"We apologize wholeheartedly to any and all owners of the 2007 pug," APBA director Betty McAndrews said at a press conference, standing before a table where 10 defective pugs were displayed. "While pug owners are accustomed to dog malfunction, the latest animals are prone to more problems than just the usual joint failures, overheating, seizures, chronic respiratory defects, and inability to breed without assistance. The latest model pug is simply not in any way a viable dog."
According to the APBA's online recall notice, pugs produced in the specified period are at "moderate to high risk" for convulsive respiratory failure, soft palate suppuration, corneal ulcers leading to sudden deliquescence of the eyeballs, catastrophic lung collapse, ingrown ribs, diabetes, patellar luxation, encephalitis, Lou Gehrig's pug's disease, impacted hips, neck dysplasia, tracheal fissures, morbid obesity, cranial arthritis, and leakage of the anal sacs. In addition, due to strong allergic reactions to almost all medications, 97 percent of pugs are untreatable.
Full story in The Onion
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